A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
