we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
