alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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