i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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