you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
