You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
