hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
