So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize