I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So much rum. So many feels.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
