PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
