Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
