theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize