thus making me awesome and them whores
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
