just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
