My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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