Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
