I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize