So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
