My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
