Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
