I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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