guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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