I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
