This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I didn't notice because vodka
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
