You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
