the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
