Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
