I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
