I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
