Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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