Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
