Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
