note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize