yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
