even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
