He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
