The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
