I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
