Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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