dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
