im six kinds of drunk right now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
