If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize