Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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