So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize