ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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