Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
