Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
