maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
