I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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