chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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