I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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