I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
