Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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