Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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