im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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