Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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