Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
