If i come over, it means nothing
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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