That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
