Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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