Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
