I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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