I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
