just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
