making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
