I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
