I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
