ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
