the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this hospital has no fireball
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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