Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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