so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
