didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
