he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
