just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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