i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
