I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
