the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize