I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
