I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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