the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
