I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
