Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
