Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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